I'd Swipe Right

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"I'd Swipe Right" is a story exploring how technology informs and complicates the way romantic relationships exist, and how it can introduce obstacles with relationships. When technology connects everyone to everything, does this change what we view an intimate relationship to be? What is your name? <<textbox "$name" "" "$name">> [[Start]]

You are single for a while. You enjoy your alone time, and you are very productive with your time. However, as time goes on, you grow lonely. As you scroll Instagram, you see more and more of your friends settling down and you wonder what it would be like, just to see what's out there. [[A side thought...]] [[look for a date online]] [[find a date in person]]

You begin to use a dating app to scope out your options. What are you looking for? [[something casual]] [[a relationship]]

You go to a bar, and begin chatting with a few potential matches. What are you looking for? [[Nothing serious]] [[Something serious]]

You want to skip the getting to know someone. It seems as if a casual arrangement is becoming increasingly popular. [[Tell me about hookup culture...]] [[Start Looking]]

You begin to swipe left and right on the dating app. You match with a person- they are good looking and kind- a bit dry but seem decent. You don't know much about them, however. [[go out with them]] [[keep swiping]]

You go on a date with your match. They seem very different from what they projected online, but nevertheless, they seem to look somewhat similar to their photos. Overall, it went well. [[go out again]] [[keep swiping]]

You match with another person. They seem like they could be your type, but you can't really tell beyond the physical. You can't help but wonder if there is something better out there, though. [[swipe again]] [[go out with them]]

You've gone out with a few people at this point, and each one of them have been drastically different than what their profile lead on. You keep trying though, and match with another individual. Their bio doesn't say much about them, but they look attractive. What do you do? [[go out with them]] [[another swipe session]]

You keep swiping. It seems like the options are endless. You swipe left and right for what seems like hours, until you find someone who catches your eye. [[go out with them]] [[keep swiping again]]

You go out on a few more dates with your match. At points, it feels a bit contrived, as if you are forced to feel attraction that should have a little more time to grow. You feel as if you've hardly gotten to know them, when... They send you a text and ask to define the relationship. You're not used to being asked this sort of question over text... [[An aside...]] Do you want to be in a relationship? [[Sure]] [[tell them no]] [[Ghost them]]

You are now in a relationship. You both get along well. You get to spend alot time with them, and learn alot about eachother. It keeps going well for a few weeks, and then you start seeing your significant other liking photos of the opposite sex on instagram. Do you... [[say something]] [[do the same thing]] [[don't say anything]]

You don't have the courage to tell this person to their face that you aren't interested, and you figured you don't have to, since you can block them at any time and you won't necissarily have any consquences. You begin to date another person, and end up becoming pretty serious. Soon after, your past decisions come back to bite you and your ex. They spread rumors about you on social media, and your current significant other breaks up with you. What would happen if we [[follow this path]]? The End [[Start]]

There isn't necissarily anything wrong with this individual, but you know there is something better out there. You think about how many other matches you have laying in your inbox on your computer at home. You break it off. Soon after, your past decisions come back to bite you. This guy that you only briefly dated spread rumors about you on social media. What would happen if we [[follow this path]]? [[be single]] [[find a date in person]] [[look for a date online]]

You decide to confront your significant other about it. They tell you that you're overreacting, and that you should just let it go. You wonder what it would be like to pursue other people, and wonder if your partner is telling the truth. The fact that they weren't completely honest with you makes you feel insecure. [[Ask for an open relationship]] [[stay with them]] [[fight about it]]

You begin to realize there are alot of options out there and you want to experience them. You feel as if commitment is not as popular anymore, and wonder what you are missing out on.However, you do care about your significant other. [[secretly pursue others(cheat)]] [[stay with them]] [[Ask for an open relationship]]

You decide that your partner is not enough for you, and decide to find someone else. However, you know if you went to a bar or somewhere in public, you would easily be caught. You decide to log onto a dating app, and start looking for something on there. You match with one person and begin to start a casual relationship on the side. It's goes well for a while, until your partner finds your phone and begins to question you about it. [[Tell the truth]] [[Lie]] [[How could social media undermine trust? ]]

You decide to stay with your significant other. You finally work out your problems and are in a really good place. Your signifcant other gets a great job offer on the other side of the country. You know it will be very hard to stay together with the distance, but you really care about them. [[Stay together despite the distance ]] [[break up ]]

You decide to trust your significant other. Your self confidence is at an all time low. Your partner works long hours, but thankfully you don't. You text them constantly to keep busy, and you don't much sleep anymore, scrolling instagram and social media. You feel like you need to prove that you are better than whoever he was interested in on Instagram. You go to work tired, and the more your partner pulls away, the tighter you hold on. Little do you know, they have begun cheating on you. You don't know this yet, but you can sense between you two. [[break up ]] [[Get into an argument]] [[How could social media undermine trust? ]]

It turns out that your significant other is not over their ex. You usually would never confront your partner's ex, but you don't feel scared now that you can do it online. [[confront the ex]] [[How could social media undermine trust? ]]

You end up starting a fight about it. It doesn't end well, and you both end up going to bed that night angry. The next morning, you decide to break up. You know there are alot of issues with your relationship, and think it is best to end it. [[How could social media undermine trust? ]] [[Be single]]

You and your partner have broken up. What do you do now? [[look for a date online]] [[Why is looking online my only option?]]

You decide to confront your partner's ex. Your not sure if it was insecurity, or an act of establishing dominance that made you want to do it. Either way, your significant other breaks up with you for confronting his ex behind his back. [[block your ex]] [[stalk your ex]] [[How could social media undermine trust?]]

You decide to ignore your exes advances, and they become more and more harassing as time goes on. You eventually have to delete all your social media, and start over completely. However, is someone out of your life just because you can't see them online? Is it even possible to start over? Learn more [[here]]. The End [[Start]]

You think blocking them is the right thing to do. You delete any trace of them off of your phone and begin to move on. But, if you block someone, are they completely out of your life just because you can't see them online? [[Move on...]]

You manage to find someone that shares the same goal as you, and you end up going on a few dates. [[Go out again]]

You try again, and end up finding another person easily. They seem interested, however, they quickly begin to ignore you. They have decided to date someone else they met online, and you can't help but wonder if it was something you could have done better, or if you should have uploaded a better picture of yourself. [[keep swiping]] [[Tired of swiping? Read this...]]

You see they are at a random house across town. None of your close mutual friends or your partner's friends live in that neighborhood. You begin to overthink about where your significant other is. Are they with someone else, or is it just a friend? [[IMAGINE...]] Your options... [[stay silent]] [[fight about it]] [[break up ]] [[secretly pursue others(cheat)]]

You know everything isn't completely okay with your partner, but you decide to post a picture together on social media. Hopefully, this will let everyone know you're happy together. [[Keep dating ]]

You decide to tell the truth, and your significant other breaks up with you. [[commentary]] The End [[Start]]

You lie about cheating, and your significant other believes you. This goes on for a while, and you never seem to be satisfied, not matter what you do. [[commentary]] [[How could social media undermine trust? ]] The End [[Start]]

You decide to stay together despite the distance, and spend 24/7 texting and skyping. It works for a while, but you are lonely. Do you [[secretly pursue others(cheat)]], [[break up ]],[[Try to make your long distance relationship work]] or [[Imagine a future...]]?

You begin to argue. Your partner blames you for being so clingy, and that he had no other choice. He says it's hard for him to commit to one person, when it's so easy to find someone else. Instead of a true break up, he decides to block you and not respond. [[Keep pursuing them]] [[Try to move on]]

You keep pursuing someone who doesn't want you. Your self confidence is shot, and you feel like you can't measure up to what else you see online. You feel like you need to prove that you are enough. When being constantly bombarded by these images, you feel a sense of insecurity that you have never felt before. The relationship is over between you and your significant other, and continuing to pursue it is feudal. [[A side note...]] The End [[Start]]

With the 24/7 connection you get in today's day and age, it is easy to fall back into old habits. We no longer need to be independent, we can be interdependent and rely on our partners at any time of day. With the evolution of technology, it is increasingly hard to have a "clean break" and get over an ex when you are constantly reminded of our their accessibility and presence online. [[Sure]], I want get back together with my ex. [[50 years into the future...]]

The year is 2060. The idea of spatial boundaries are a far cry, and embedded computer chips allow your location to be tracked 24/7. Imagine you are living in 2060, and you could know your significant others location at all times. The days of wondering where your partner is are gone, and so are the days of privacy. What would this do to trust, and personal space? If you knew your partners every move, it can be speculated that intimate relationships would be less about partnership and companionship, but surveillance and control. Back to 2019... [[Track their location on the app]]

The year is 2060. Dating apps have evolved into the main form of finding a potential mate. The new generation has become increasingly lazy, and finding a match through these apps has become mostly a physical exchange rather than emotional. Finding a match is more closely linked to online shopping and objectifying others, rather than finding an emotional connection. You can pursue a relationship with an Artificial Intelligence. It is easier to find someone who checks all the boxes, but that human connection is missed. These technologies are supposed to encourage connection, however their message seems to discourage face to face interaction, leaving relations without much physical intimacy. What would this lack of physical intimacy, monogamy, and lack of responsibility and commitment do to mental health of individuals? How would it negatively impact intimate relationships as a whole? How else would it change the way we interact with others, outside of romantic relationships? Would pursuing relationships with a non-human entity make the way we emotionally relate to others obsolete? Back to 2019... [[commentary]]

Did you wonder why being single isn't an option in this context? Read more about it [[here]]. Currently, we are always connected by a barrage of text messages and other online media. This isolated us from social interaction with real people, but it also makes it nearly impossible to be 'truly single". Research from: Larose, Robert, et al. “Connection Overload? A Cross Cultural Study of the Consequences of Social Media Connection.” Information Systems Management, vol. 31, no. 1, 2014, pp. 59–73., doi:10.1080/10580530.2014.854097. What is the impact of these billions of social connections? The demands imposed by each of the various social media platforms and their effects have typically been studied in isolation from one another, as documented below. However, growing attention is being paid to the cumulative impacts of the continual barrage of e-mail, text messages, Facebook notifications, and tweets experienced by many users which is paralleled by the mounting demands of responding and maintaining connections with online friends and followers. In the popular press, the phenomenon is discussed in terms of the tribulations of the “always connected,” who are continually distracted from important life activities by interruptions from multiple channels of electronic communication, sources of distraction that are present all hours of the day and that they carry with them wherever they go." [[be single]]

You begin to swipe on a dating app. You aren't picky, and you pick the first you match with. You end up sleeping with them a few times and never speak to them again. You are surprised how easy it is to find someone. [[commentary]] [[Imagine this...]] [[keep swiping again]] [[a relationship]]

"For a long time, many college students claimed the hookup culture was empowering and liberating. Anyone who questioned it was considered an antisex buzzkill who sided with the administration and parents. The conversation has broadened in recent years, however. Now that more people are feeling comfortable questioning the hookup culture and admitting that it isn’t particularly empowering or fulﬁlling a lot of the time, we are hearing the nuanced perspectives of those who have genuinely enjoyed hooking up or found a version that works for them for now. Most college students admit that the sloppy, drunk hookup with a random person is unfulﬁlling... Many hookups start through social media or dating apps, with follow-up interactions via text. This can create a false sense of “knowing” a person." Works Cited: Pierce, Cindy. “Sex, College, and Social Media.” 2016, doi:10.4324/9781315213439. [[Start Looking]]

You decide to keep dating. You and your partner are good for a while. After a while, you start to notice that your partner is watching alot of porn. They have started to isolate themselves from you, and you don't see them as often as before. With this content available to the masses, you start to worry about your relationship. What others are saying: Quotes taken from Vanity Fair article "Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”". “I think men have a skewed view of the reality of sex through porn, because sometimes I think porn sex is not always great.” -Jessica, 21 “Yeah, it looks like it hurts,” -Danielle, 21 “That’s not, like, enjoyable, like having their hair pulled or being choked or slammed. I mean, whatever you’re into, but men just think”—bro voice—“ ‘I’m gonna f**k her,’ and sometimes that’s not great.” -Jessica, 21 It is evident that there are cases where an online experience has affected how real world relationships function. Porn, for instance, could put a false expectation on how a relationship should be, and can cause dissatisfaction to one person in the partnership if experiences do not live up to this. Online material can function as giving individuals skewed ideals of what a relationship should look like. [[Ask for an open relationship]] [[secretly pursue others(cheat)]] [[break up ]] [[stay with them]]

"Drawing on social-psychology and communication theories, we advance a theoretical model to explain the negative effects of selfies on romantic relationships. We suggest that this individualistic use of social media is related to selfie related conflicts between partners through two processes: (1) jealousy, stemming from excessive individual photo-sharing or comments about those pictures, and (2) that, by sharing flattering images of oneself, an online ideal persona is created in the picture-taker’s mind that diverges from real-life. These conflicts in turn reduce perceived quality of the romantic relationships. To test the model we conducted a two-wave, representative panel survey, separated by one year. Results support a partial mediation model between taking selfies and lower perception of relationship quality, suggesting that both mediators, jealousy and the online ideal persona, have a negative effect on romantic relationship over time." "Social media often have a dark side in romantic relationships. Affordances such as persistence, association, and visibility can promote romantic jealousy and the salience of relationship threats, including ex-partners. Retroactive jealousy occurs when a person feels upset about their partner’s romantic history even though ex-partners are not actively interfering in the current relationship. Interviews (N = 36) probed how participants felt social networking sites (SNSs) promoted and mitigated retroactive romantic jealousy. Furthermore, we examined the consequences of these experiences. Participants indicated that SNSs lead to retroactive jealousy via social comparison, digital remnants, and relational uncertainty. In addition, participants used SNSs to gather information or monitor their partners. These information-seeking activities allowed them to disparage a romantic partner’s exes; avoid direct, interactive information seeking about exes; and digitally fact-check information the partner disclosed. Some participants reframed information about the ex-relationship or actively avoided SNSs to reduce retroactive jealousy. Although SNSs may be used in an attempt to mitigate retroactive jealousy, our findings suggest this strategy may backfire in some cases." Works Cited: Frampton, Jessica R., and Jesse Fox. “Social Media’s Role in Romantic Partners’ Retroactive Jealousy: Social Comparison, Uncertainty, and Information Seeking.” Social Media Society, vol. 4, no. 3, 2018, p. 205630511880031., doi:10.1177/2056305118800317. Halpern, Daniel, et al. “The Online Ideal Persona vs. the Jealousy Effect: Two Explanations of Why Selfies Are Associated with Lower-Quality Romantic Relationships.” Telematics and Informatics, vol. 34, no. 1, 2017, pp. 114–123., doi:10.1016/j.tele.2016.04.014. [[Comments]]

"Trust is a central component of many types of online relationships, but the development of intimate relationships through online dating and matchmaking services provides a unique window into the interplay of trust and related phenomena. Unlike many other types of online relationships, romantic relationships begun in computer-mediated environments are often expected to progress to face-to-face interaction. Researchers typically identify the point of the initial meeting as a clear risk, rife with various uncertainties (Green, 2007). However, we argue that there is much to gain from a wider view of the role of trust in activities that lead up to an in-person meeting and in subsequent interactions, as the relationship continues to develop. In this chapter, we examine how four related phenomena — confidence in systems, trustworthiness, relational trust, and general trust — affect online relationship formation, in particular among people meeting through online dating systems. We begin by presenting a variety of theoretical perspectives on these phenomena, followed by an overview of interpersonal communication in computer-mediated communication environments in general and online dating systems in particular. Next, we consider the role of trust-related processes in online relationship formation: how computer-mediated self-presentation and interpersonal perception influence assessments of trustworthiness, how online communication affects the development of trust, and how people interacting through online dating systems seek to reduce uncertainty and build trust as they move toward meeting face-to-face. Finally, we suggest directions for future research that might deepen our understanding of trust in the context of computer-mediated relationship formation." Works Cited: Fiore, Andrew T., and Coye Cheshire. “The Role of Trust in Online Relationship Formation.” Trust and Technology in a Ubiquitous Modern Environment, 2010, pp. 55–70., doi:10.4018/978-1-61520-901-9.ch004. [[Let's look into the future]] [[Aside ]]

You end up finding someone for the night. This pattern goes on for a while, and you get tired of it not leading anywhere. You are starting to feel used. You are shy, and your friends tell you that dating online is the best way to find exactly what you want without comprimising. [[What creates a positive casual experience?]] [[look for a date online]]

Marshall McLuhan: Medium is the Message <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ko6J9v1C9zE" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe> [[commentary]]

"Ghosting is distinct from other forms of relationship dissolution because it occurs in the absence of the ghosted partner immediately knowing that it has happened. In other words, when one relationship partner ghosts another, the immediate impact is simply an ambiguous lack of communication. Although the idea of ending a relationship by cutting off contact has likely been around for a very long time, current forms of technology are making ghosting a more prominent relationship dissolution strategy. That is, romantic and peer relationship initiation, development, and maintenance for today’s cohorts often occur via technology-mediated communication. The relationship termination method of ghosting then essentially becomes the act of avoiding these communication methods with a particular individual. Although very little empirical research has focused on ghosting, social psychology has deeply examined a closely related construct: ostracism. Ostracism, or using the silent treatment on another individual, has been associated with a host of negative consequences. Much theory and research on ostracism has shown that people react extremely negatively to being ignored and excluded. It is detected as pain, threatens fundamental human needs (e.g., belonging, self-esteem, control, and meaningful existence), and increases anger and sadness. Being the target of ostracism has also been linked to interpersonal problems including aggression. Ghosting and ostracism share overlap, but they can be considered distinct processes. Because ghosting and ostracism both involve refusing to communicate, it is possible that ghosting may lead to negative consequences similar to those produced by ostracism. The ease with which ghosting can occur in social media (a click of a button or the lack of clicking a button) increases the chances with which this strategy might be employed, without consideration of the possible downstream consequences. Because the consequences can sometimes be quite devastating or hostile, it is worthwhile to develop a deeper understanding of ghosting, its incidence, and factors related to its use." Works Cited: Freedman, Gili, et al. “Ghosting and Destiny: Implicit Theories of Relationships Predict Beliefs about Ghosting.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, vol. 36, no. 3, 2018, pp. 905–924., doi:10.1177/0265407517748791. [[Ghost them]]

You quickly realize that your relationship isn't working out. You decide that you care about eachother, but do not want the commitment to one person. You know how many options there are out there, and you don't always want to wonder if there is something out there that is better. You want to keep your significant other around as an option to fall back on. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/EtBhKTuPjEk" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe> [[a commentary ]]

Hello, <<print $name>> . The year is 2019. We live in a culture where it is easier than ever to connect with others. Or so it seems. Do you wish to [[be single]], [[look for a date online]], or [[find a date in person]]?

Imagine that it is the year 2060. The term "hookup culture" has been given a new meaning. In person contact has almost become obsolete. Technology has been created to connect with others without leaving the house. Technology like Virtual Reality and Hololens have allowed individuals to connect immeadiately and skip the wondering. The excitement of pursuing a partner has become less popular, and people have become lazy. People have even started forming relationships with Artifical Intelligence, making it hard to find true love with a real person. There is no longer a need to settle down, and the possibilities for romantic connection are endless. Most people are too shy to ask for ask for what they want, and they don't have to anymore. Individuals can hide behind a screen and project a false confidence to potential partners. If you really don't want a human partner, you can pursue something with an Artificial Intelligence. Back to 2019... [[Start Looking]]

The Medium is the Message See Marshall McLuhan's thoughts here...([[An aside...]]) THE MESSAGE EMBEDDED WITHIN THE MEDIUM OF ONLINE DATING APPLICATIONS Dating Applications (such as Tinder) have the message of accessibility and connection associated with them. From the outside, this seems as if it is an appealing quality. When digging deeper, that accessibility and connection is linked to the accessibility of other individuals bodies. People become bodies: objects that can be accessed realatively easily and viewed in a complete superficial nature. Snap judgement is a quality that dating applications encourage. With the increased accessibility, it reduces intimacy and romantic relationships to a flippant choice that is seen with no more importance than what to eat for lunch. Within the medium of face to face speech, we behave differently than we would through written word on a dating app. Tinder's swipe feature makes it easy to make a decision and takes away the fear of rejection from it's users. Users only know when they have been approved. Elaborate profiles with alot of space to write about yourself have been discarded. Human profiles have been intertwined with online advertisements for people to swipe through, which is notioning to the idea that the act of online shopping and "shopping" for sex partners are similar practices. Read more about what people think of tinder here: [[Swiping on Tinder: A Dating Apocalypse ]] [[Picture this...]]

Technology and social media undermining trust in romantic relationships becomes even more of an issue if we were to speculate about the year 2070. With embedded computer chips being able to track your location 24/7 and holograms allowing us to connect with any individual at any time, privacy is almost non-existent and so is personal space. Partners in romantic relationships may look at their significant others as an individual that they can control, watch over and critique, rather than as a companion. Back to 2019... [[How could social media undermine trust? ]]

After moving on, you find someone online that you click with. You didn't think you would match with someone who was perfect for you, but you did. Congrats! [[Start]] But...is it even possible to move on like this? Read more [[here]].

An open relationship is defined as a relationship in which couples agree to share "sexual, emotional and romantic interactions with more than one partner." That includes polyamory (multiple romantic relationships) and swinging (multiple sexual relationships without romantic involvement.) A study from the University of British Columbia has shown that while only four per cent of Canadian adults surveyed report being in an open relationship, more than one-in-10 (12 per cent) report open relationships as the ideal. Men, predictably, were more likely to identify open relationships as their preferred type of relationship. [[Ask for an open relationship]]

There is a reason that you are stuck in a cycle of swiping left or right. Swiping on a dating app for a potential match can be tiring and confusing. As you've seen, the process can go on infinitely. The act of swiping on others and making snap decisions perpetuates the idea of this "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. Because of the plethora of options, you either treat every option as less important because there is another lined up, or can't decide because there is always a chance there is something better out there. This would make it hard to pursue an intimate relationship when individuals are constantly bombarded with this. [[commentary]] [[another swipe session]] [[Swiping on Tinder: A Dating Apocalypse ]]

Walter Ong's article Orality and Literacy: The Technologizing of the World, identifies the significance that orality plays in human connection and communication. "A deeper understanding of pristine or primary orality enables us better to understand the new world of writing, what it truly is, and what functionally literate human beings really are: beings whose thought processes do not grow out of simply natural powers but out of these powers as structured, directly or indirectly, by the technology of writing. Without writing, the literate mind would not and could not think as it does, not only when engaged in writing but normally even when it is composing its thoughts in oral form. More than any other single invention, writing has transformed human consciousness. The process of putting spoken language into writing is governed by consciously contrived, articulable rules: for example, a certain pictogram will stand for a certain specific word, or a will represent a certain phoneme, b another, and so on. The use of a technology can enrich the human psyche, enlarge the human spirit, intensify its interior life. Writing is an even more deeply interiorize technology than instrumental musical performance is. But to understand what it is, which means to understand it in relation to its past, to orality, the fact that it is a technology must be honestly faced." Works Cited: Ong, Walter J. “Orality and Literacy.” 2003, doi:10.4324/9780203426258. [[Comments about this]]

You decide to trust your partner. Jealousy builds up. Every time you see your significant other on their phone, you wonder what they're doing. You've seen the pictures they are looking at, and you start to feel self concious. One night, you take your partner's phone and begin to look through it. You see flirty text messages with a person you have never heard of. A few nights later, your partner leaves with no explanation. You know you can track their location with an online app. You want to trust them, but after what you have seen on their phone, you don't know if you can. Maybe if you posted a photo of you and your partner online, you could make this person jealous, and maybe they would back off. [[A side note...]] [[post a picture of your relationship online]] [[Track their location on the app]] [[trust them]] [[secretly pursue others(cheat)]]

You go out on a few more dates with your match. You feel as if you've hardly gotten to know them, when... They ask to define the relationship. Do you want to be in a relationship? [[Sure]] [[No]]

Let's look at what sorts of consequences saying "no" to a relationship would have if it were on an online platform. Because of the accessibility and anomymity of online platforms, it is easy to have a false sense of confidence, that you can do anything without consequences because it isn't attached (directly) to your physical life. Some individuals deal with rejection by seeking revenge, and channelling this agression on a social media platform. Let's [[follow this path]]...

Regardless of how your relationship ended, whether it was serious or casual, your only option afterwards was to keep swiping or look online. Why is this? You end up in the same place because romantic human relationships currently are dominated by the message that surrounds dating apps, which includes confusing ideas of accesibility, disposability and judgement. Read more about it here: [[commentary]]

Hookup Culture: A hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters, including one-night stands and other related activity, without necessarily including emotional bonding or long-term commitment. "Backward dating seems to be the way it goes, despite the fact that recent research shows that many young people— both male and female— are equally interested in relationships and often hope that hooking up may lead to a relationship. The perception that everyone is hooking up creates a lot of pressure for you to be a part of the club. Many people report that hookups rarely end up being what they expected and hoped for. The drama that goes along with it can be exhausting. Maintaining a balance of appearing interested enough but not caring too much takes energy. Coming across as caring too much can repel an interested partner. It is risky to open up about your feelings or express anything particularly intimate because you might appear to be “obsessed” or needy. " Works Cited: Pierce, Cindy. “Sex, College, and Social Media.” 2016, doi:10.4324/9781315213439. [[What creates a positive casual experience?]] [[Start Looking]] [[Swiping on Tinder: A Dating Apocalypse ]]

Revenge Porn With the prevalence of online platforms, and the anonymity that comes along with it, revenge against an ex can come in the form of nasty rumours that can spread like wildfire on a social media platform, or the spreading of nude photos (Revenge Porn). Many who use social media and are public with their intimate relationships could use the same line of thinking when it comes to airing dirty laundry online and seeking revenge. Consent and property over images is something that needs to be explored. Dating becomes more than just companionship and a cure for loneliness, but has associated risks of autonomy, image and ownership, and what counts as property and consent. Mischa Barton, a British-Irish-American film, television, and stage actress, was a victim of this. Her ex-boyfriend had recorded her in her most intimate state without her knowledge and put the videos online. A breakup with a significant other can turn into body shaming, and be taken out of context easily by the public eye. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LSqjdzULPJs" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe> [[Start]]

After your partner blocks you, you do your best to move on. You've began to notice that the idea of closure these days is not as common. It's become easier than ever to cut others out of your life. However, if you block someone, are they completely out of your life just because you can't see them online? Is it truly possible to move on? Read [[here]]. Other options: [[look for a date online]] [[Why is looking online my only option?]]

After the break up, you decide to block any trace of your ex. It feels harsh, but you know this will probably be the best way to get over them. You feel a sense of relief... almost as if you can start over. The End [[Start]] Wait...that seemed easy. Is it even possible to start over? Read [[here]]. If you block someone, are they completely out of your life just because you can't see them online?

You end up creeping on your exes profile, and getting hurt when they post pictures of themselves with their new partner. You go down the rabbit hole, and find it hard to move on. This becomes an endless cycle, and you feel like you can't get away from it. It feels as if your significant other is still apart of your life and still has power over you, even though you have broken up. Eventually, you get blocked by your ex. [[Try to move on]]

Because online social networking platforms allow both self-generated information and tagged information to be linked to an individuals page, there are multiple sources of information available. With all this information available, it is easy to be distrustful of a partner. Trust is a form of blind faith you have in a person, but when you have their activity available to you on a screen, it is easy to want to snoop and prove whether or not your partner is truly being faithful. Men are twice as likely as women to check their partner’s mobile phones without their permission. Three fifths of men in relationships in the UK say they have snooped for 'incriminating messages or activity', compared to a third of women. 89% admitted that they had done so to see if their partner had been talking to anyone else in a romantic or sexual context. 52 percent of those admitted that they knew the passcode needed to access their partner’s phone.

You decide not to get back together with your ex. Your ex begins to stalk you online. They bombard you with messages at all hours of the day and night. What do you do? [[ignore it]] [[block him]]

Jealousy is heightened in romantic relationships in the 21st century because of the availability on online networking platforms. Jealousy existed previously, but now, it may be seen by some as a "competition" with not only members of the same sex in their town, but on the whole internet. When everything is so readily available, commitment can be seen as undesirable or unnecessary. The pressure of projecting a perfect relationship has also been heightened. Not only is it you and your significant other, but the image you project of how great your relationship is has become a type of competition. Not feeling like you are enough compared to the bombardment of images you see online can be tough. Self confidence and body image are issues that can be made increasingly worse when dating in an age of accesibility, disposability and judgement.

You decide to not start dating again. Your ex still has your social media handles and reaches out to you after a few weeks. You read the messages and don't reply. However, he is persistent and eventually you cave in. You do miss him. If it wasn't for the bombardment of messages, you don't think you would have ever gotten back together. But, maybe it will be different this time. Why is it so hard to be single? Read [[here]], and also read [[A side thought...]] [[Get back together]] [[Don't get back together]]

Quotes taken from Vanity Fair article "Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”": "You can’t be stuck in one lane … There’s always something better.” “If you had a reservation somewhere and then a table at Per Se opened up, you’d want to go there,” -Alex, 26 “You’re always sort of prowling. You could talk to two or three girls at a bar and pick the best one, or you can swipe a couple hundred people a day—the sample size is so much larger. It’s setting up two or three Tinder dates a week and, chances are, sleeping with all of them, so you could rack up 100 girls you’ve slept with in a year.” -Alex, 26 Alex has slept with five different women in the last eight days. Brittany, Morgan, Amber...Oh, and the Russian-Ukranian?" - Marty, 25 “I’ll get a text that says, ‘Wanna fuck?’ ” - Jennifer, 22 “They’ll tell you, ‘Come over and sit on my face,’ ” - Ashley, 19 I“It’s like ordering Seamless (online food-delivery service), but you’re ordering a person.” - Dan, 28 “It’s instant gratification, and a validation of your own attractiveness by just, like, swiping your thumb on an app. You see some pretty girl and you swipe and it’s, like, oh, she thinks you’re attractive too, so it’s really addicting, and you just find yourself mindlessly doing it.” - Jason, 26 “Sex has become so easy, I can go on my phone right now and no doubt I can find someone I can have sex with this evening, probably before midnight.” - John, 26 “The hookup culture is … bound up with everything that’s fabulous about being a young woman in 2012—the freedom, the confidence.” - Hanna, 25 “It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option,” - Erica, 27 “Apps like Tinder and OkCupid give people the impression that there are thousands or millions of potential mates out there. One dimension of this is the impact it has on men’s psychology. When there is a surplus of women, or a perceived surplus of women, the whole mating system tends to shift towards short-term dating. Marriages become unstable. Divorces increase. Men don’t have to commit, so they pursue a short-term mating strategy. Men are making that shift, and women are forced to go along with it in order to mate at all.” -David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who specializes in the evolution of human sexuality. “Young women complain that young men still have the power to decide when something is going to be serious and when something is not—they can go, ‘She’s girlfriend material, she’s hookup material.’ … There is still a pervasive double standard. We need to puzzle out why women have made more strides in the public arena than in the private arena.” -Elizabeth Armstrong, professor of sociology at the University of Michigan specializing in sexuality and gender “I want to have you on all fours..I’ve never met this person,” says Kelly, 26, talking about a message she received on OkCupid “They start out with ‘Send me nudes,’ or they say something like ‘I’m looking for something quick within the next 10 or 20 minutes—are you available?’ ‘O.K., you’re a mile away, tell me your location.’ It’s straight efficiency.”- Reese, 23 “I think that iPhones and dating apps have really changed the way that dating happens for our generation,” -Stephanie, 24 “There is no dating. There’s no relationships. They’re rare. You can have a fling that could last like seven, eight months and you could never actually call someone your ‘boyfriend.’ Hooking up is a lot easier. No one gets hurt—well, not on the surface.” -Amanda, 25 “We had an assignment from one of our profs to go out on an actual date. And meet them sober and not when you’re both, like, blackout drunk. Like, get to know someone before you start something with them. And I know that’s scary.” -Jane, 20 "We don’t know how to talk to each other face-to-face. You form your first impression based off Facebook rather than forming a connection with someone, so you’re, like, forming your connection with their profile,” -Stephanie, 24 When it comes to hooking up, they say, it’s not as simple as just having sex. “It’s such a game, and you have to always be doing everything right, not texting back too soon; never double texting; liking the right amount of his stuff,” -Fallon, 20 “And it reaches a point where if you receive a text message from a guy, you forward the message to, like, seven different people: ‘What do I say back? Oh my God, he just texted me!’ It becomes a surprise. ‘He texted me!’ Which is really sad.”-Jane, 20 “If he texts you before midnight he actually likes you as a person. If it’s after midnight, it’s just for your body,” -Amanda, 25 “Sex should stem from emotional intimacy, and it’s the opposite with us right now, and I think it really is kind of destroying females’ self-images,” - Fallon, 20 “It’s body first, personality second,” -Stephanie, 24 “Honestly, I feel like the body doesn’t even matter to them as long as you’re willing,” - Reese, 23 “I hooked up with three girls, thanks to the Internet, off of Tinder, in the course of four nights, and I spent a total of $80 on all three girls,” - Nick, 25 “We talk for a total of maybe 10 to 15 minutes. We hook up. Afterwards she goes, ‘Oh my God, I swear I wasn’t gonna have sex with you.’ And I was like, Well, you did a pretty shitty job of that one. They all say that.” -Nick, 25 “I’m on Tinder, Happn, Hinge, OkCupid,” Nick says. “It’s just a numbers game. Before, I could go out to a bar and talk to one girl, but now I can sit home on Tinder and talk to 15 girls. I have a list in my iPhone of more than 40 girls I have had sex with, rated by [one to five] stars. It empowers them. It’s a mix of how good they are in bed and how attractive they are.” -Nick, 25 “I cheated. She found out by looking at my phone—rookie mistake, not deleting everything.” -Brian, 26 “When it’s so easy, when it’s so available to you and you can meet somebody and have sex with them in 20 minutes, it’s very hard to contain yourself.” -Brian, 26 “I’ve gotten numbers on Tinder just by sending emojis. Without actually having a conversation—having a conversation via emojis. Is that the kind of woman I potentially want to marry? Probably not.” -John, 25 “If I’m a guy and I’m going out and fucking a different girl every night, my friends are gonna give me high-fives and we’re gonna crack a beer and talk about it. Girls do the same, but they get judged. I don’t want it to be like that, but sometimes the world is the way it is and I can’t change it, so I just embrace it.” -Nick, 25 “Tinder is fast and easy, boom-boom-boom, swipe.” -Nick, 25 “He kissed me goodbye. That shouldn't be a big deal, but boys pull back because they don’t wanna give you the wrong idea,” -Kayla, 20 “Exploitative and disrespectful men have always existed. There are many evolved men, but there may be something going on in hookup culture now that is making some more resistant to evolving.” -Stephanie Coontz, teaches history and family studies at Evergreen State College “Romance is completely dead, and it’s the girls’ fault.They act like all they want is to have sex with you and then they yell at you for not wanting to have a relationship. How are you gonna feel romantic about a girl like that? Oh, and by the way? I met you on Tinder.” -Alex, 25 “I’ve had girls sleep with me off OkCupid and then just ghost me”—that is, disappear, in a digital sense, not returning texts. They play the game the exact same way. They have a bunch of people going at the same time—they’re fielding their options. They’re always looking for somebody better, who has a better job or more money. A few women admitted to me that they use dating apps as a way to get free meals, calling it Tinder food stamps." -Matt, 26 “They say in their profiles, ‘No shirtless pictures,’ but that’s bullshit.The day I switched to a shirtless picture with my tattoos, immediately, within a few minutes, I had, like, 15 matches.” -Nick, 25 “There’s a lot of girls who are just like, Check me out, I’m hot, I’m wearing a bikini. I don’t know if it’s my place to tell a girl she shouldn’t be flaunting her sexuality if that’s what she wants to do. I'm a feminist, but some guys might take the wrong idea from it.” -Jason, 26 “Tit pics and booty pics. My phone is full of ‘em.” -Austin, 22 “They want to see your dick. They get excited from it. They’re like, ‘Oh my God, you’re huge." - Adam, 23 “If you’re a girl who’s trying to date, it’s normal to get dick pics all the time. It’s like we have dicks flying at us.” -Olivia, 24 “It’s easier to meet someone on Tinder than in real life. A lot of guys won’t talk to you if you’re not invited to their fraternity parties. A lot of guys won’t talk to you, period. They don’t have to. Tinder has destroyed their game.” -Jessica, 21 “Everyone is doing it and it’s not like this hot little secret anymore. It’s profiles that are, like, airbrushed with lighting and angles and girls who will send you pictures of themselves naked without even knowing your last name. I’m not saying I’m any better—I’m doing it. It’s texting someone, or multiple girls, maybe getting very sexual with them, 99 percent of the time before you’ve even met them, which, more and more I realize, is weird.” -Michael, 29 "And it’s just like, waking up in beds, I don’t even remember getting there, and having to get drunk to have a conversation with this person because we both know why we’re there but we have to go through these motions to get out of it. That’s a personal struggle, I guess, but online dating makes it happen that much more. Whereas I would just be sitting at home and playing guitar, now it’s ba-ding”—he makes the chirpy alert sound of a Tinder match and I'm going to have sex with them." -Michael, 29 [[Tell me about hookup culture...]] [[Start Looking]] [[keep swiping]]

The reason it is so hard to be truly single in an always connected world, or why it is so hard to truly block someone out of your life without any repercussions, is because all human interaction is mediated. Ong believes that text and writing is too a form of technology that has a form of mediation associated with it. You can get rid of the medium of text, but as Marshall McLuhan believes, there is always the message behind it that cannot so easily be forgotten. Read more about Marshall McLuhan: [[An aside...]] For all online platforms, the message behind them surrounds accessibility and connectivity. When our whole lives revolve around what happens within a screen, it is hard to be completely 'single' or without companionship, because the medium you interact with affords a connection and interactivity. When trying to block out this connection from your life, the same applies. You can block out a bothersome ex, or they can block you out, but the message that the medium holds will always be underlying. If you choose to still interact with that same social media platform, you are furthering this message. This makes the possibility of truly moving on almost impossible. Even if that person may be blocked, if you interact with the medium of connectivity and acessibility, it is hard to separate the user of the medium and the medium itself, which contains this message. There is a possibility that your ex can make a new account to interact with the medium, because embedded within the medium is the message of easy connection, which is a double edged sword.

Imagine the year is 2070. With embedded chips being able to track your location 24/7, and holograms taking out real-world physical interaction, the possibility of a clean break becomes increasingly harder. The ability to get over someone and completely forget them is almost impossible with this new technology. With the advancement of technology to make us more connected than ever, it can affect the ability to change the course of your life, to be able to start over and move on from possible toxic relationships when there is a constant reminder of a certain individual. Back to 2019... [[Get back together]]

With new embedded technology that was invented, you are able to maintain a relationship long distance that feels real. You able to talk all night and see them in hologram form. You can stay virtually connected 24/7, but still, even in the year 2070, the physical touch is missing. There are technologies such as wearable, responsive gear, that react to your touch and transfer that energy to the technology your partner is wearing to mimic physical touch. However, this just isn't enough. Most technology in the future is lacking the humanistic perspective. Even if you are connected at all hours of the day in a long distance relationship, nothing can replace the touch from a human. Back in 2019... [[Try to make your long distance relationship work]].

You end up making long distance work for a while, until it gets too hard to sustain. You miss physical contact and it is hard to love someone who isn't around. Skype and chatting on the phone is nice, but you feel so alone. You decide to break up with your significant other in the end. The End [[Start]]

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